Not Physics, but Babhysics...

As a new Mom, I continue to learn more and more each day.

- Bedtime and Wakeup time
Beware! Letting a baby stay up past their bedtime does not increase the amount of time you can sleep in the next morning. It is actually the opposite. For example, let a baby stay up 1/2 hour past bedtime, guarantees they will rise with loud vigorous cries almost to the minute 1/2 hour earlier than their normal wake-up.

- The reappearing stain/spot.
It is a given. It doesn't matter how often you change their outfit, wash their clothes, whatever, within 10 minutes a stain and/or spot will appear. Usually in a very noticeable place leading your friends and neighbors to think you never wash their clothes. Note - same thing goes for bathtime.

- Crumbs
Immediately upon entering the new home, a baby acts as a catalyst in the until this point dormant reproduction properties of every cookie & cracker in your home. Once the baby is on the premises, said items will instantly multiply and shed crumbs everywhere, places that had never seen a cookie before will now be filled with crumbs. This leaves the new parent with a constant dumbfounded look on their face and a dustbuster in hand, until acceptance finally sets in.

- Cranky time and visitors.
Your normally happy, smiley baby will instantly turn into a crying, snarling beast whenever company comes round. Personally, I feel this is a ploy/blackmail plot on the part of your baby for compensation for displaying their sunny and charming behavior. Don't panic, simply learn the lesson from the toy/baby food manufacturers and give your child 3 month old cheerios. This should do the trick, until age two when expensive, electronic gizmos that break five minutes after the box is opened become the next popular choice.

- Disaster Zone.
As a warning, any baby under two will turn approximately 600-700 square feet of your house into a disaster zone. (I understand from BTDT parents that this area increases & can even spread to the outdoor spaces as the child ages.) Note: I actually read in a helpful tip section of some book that sometimes it is just easier to put the highchair in the shower and wash it down. This was before I had baby and I laughed thinking it was a joke...I'm not laughing anymore.

- Baby Exercise
How do you not lose weight when you have a baby? No time to eat and all the exercise you get. Remember smirking when those crazy speed walkers go by with their 5lb weights? Now I rush about feeding, changing diapers, walking to settle a fussy baby and all carrying an 18 lb weight almost all the time. Talk about weighted squats, not to mention the additional squats 50x a day to pick up all her toys and put them away.

- The Hair Dryer (Arch Villain of all Babies Everywhere)
Without fail, no matter how short or long the length of time it takes to shower and wash my hair, no matter the time or day or night, when I go to blow dry my hair Maeve cries for some attention. It might be that she just woke up, has a wet diaper, is hungry or maybe a simpler reason...she is determined that I wear a ponytail until she goes away to college.

Posted by Laura at 10:42 AM